Both
by NoCute
Summary: He was standing in shadow. Dressed in black and with his eyes fixed upon hers. His expression was one of pain, loss and determination. His eyes glowed with his conflicting emotions and his lips moved slowly. They were whispering her name. My first fanfic, set after TLJ. Please excuse me for any grammar or spelling mistakes since English is not my native language.
1. Chapter 1

He was standing in shadow. Dressed in black and with his eyes fixed upon hers. His expression was one of pain, loss and determination. His eyes glowed with his conflicting emotions and his lips moved slowly. They were whispering her name.

She felt a strong pull in her chest to go to him and without her meaning so, she hade closed the gap between them.

"Will you talk to me?" he asked in a low voice. He slowly stretched out a hand towards her. "I miss you." His words hit her like a sledgehammer in the chest and suddenly she was in his arms. His strong arms wrapped around her gave her the sensational feeling of coming home.

"Don't shut me out." he whispered in her ear. "Please."

"I don´t want to." she cried into his broad chest. "I need you." The words tumbled out of her mouth without hesitation, regret or shame.

His hand traveled from her back and up her side until it reached her chin. The touch of his fingers sent an electric shock through her body. He slowly tilted her head up so their eyes met.

"Be with me." he whispered. "Please." She kissed him then, her arms around his neck and his around her waist pulling her even closer to him.

As the kiss deepened, electric jolts seemed to shoot between them. Their lips parted and they both panted slightly.

"Don´t leave me alone." It was his final words before she woke up with a start.

Rey was sweating and panting like after a long run. She wiped the sweat from her brow and looked around the room. She was slouched in a chair with a one of the sacred jedi text on the floor by her feet. She had fallen asleep reading it. As she bent down to pick it up she realised her sex was wet and throbbing, desperate for some realese.

Rey swore. This hadn´t been the first dream of her and Kylo Ren. If it was dreams, she wasn´t sure about that anymore. Since the battle on Crait Rey had felt him reaching for her. She had learned to ignore and shut him out but when she was asleep he always came through to her. It was always so vivid and real. Ray had started to both fear and long for the night, afraid of it being real and long for that deep and intense connection she never felt before.

Rey stood up and stretched her aching muscles. She pulled her shirt over her head as she walked into the bathroom to take a shower.

The hot water poured down her body, washing away the sweat, dirt and grime of the day. She felt her body relaxing by the heat and soon felt back to herself.

She dressed in clean clothes and went back out to her chamber where she sat down in chair again. Rey closed her eyes and easily connected to the force. Now that she had decided what she wanted she knew what to do. She reached out until she felt his presence and then she pushed through to get to him. Rey felt him accepting her to come to him and her heart started to pound harder by that knowledge.

He was standing in front of her, his dark eyes meeting hers.

"Thank you." he said with a low voice. "For responding."

"I had to." she answered. Trying speak without her voice trembling. It didn´t work, her entire body shoock of the intensity in the situation. She could feel as well as see his reaction was simular to her own.

Kylo took a small step towards her and smiled a faint smile.

"How are you?" he asked and Rey smiled back at him.

"What a question" she said cheerfully and starting to feel the anxiety leave her body. "You can clearly tell."

"I want you to say it." he said, taking another step.

"I´m at war" she said after a moment of silence. "With the first order, with myself and with you?" she took a breath before she added. "Just like you."

"I wan´t nothing of this!" he suddenly shouted. Rey flinched but soon realised that he hadn´t been shouting at her at all. His anger wasn´t directed at her but at the entire world that had stacked the cards this way. Rey felt his emotional turmoil as her own, the anger, the sadness and the painful feeling of being unable to control any of it.

His eyes met hers again.

"I hate it." he added calmly with a very intense look at her.

"You can break it, Ben." Rey said, taking a step towards him and then two more until she stood so close to him that she could feel his bodyheat. "Come to me." she said and took his hand in hers. With trembling fingers she pulled the black leather glove from his hand before she entwined her fingers with his. "Come and join me."

"I can´t" he whispered. His eyes fell from hers to their connected fngers. "I´m not like you."

"I don´t need you to be." she said and squeezed his hand. "I need you to be you. Nothing more and nohing less."

"I don´t understand." he said witch a slight crack in his voice.

"You are being pulled towards the light but refuse to acknowledge it. I want you to embrace the light inside you as much as the dark. It´s all the force." Kylo looked at her with a stunned expression.

"You mean both?" he said. "It will not work."

"Who says?" said Rey. "Snoke? Luke?" She tightened her grip on his hand. "They were wrong."

"Rey, I don´t..." Kylo began to say but she interrupted him.

"Do you trust it?" she blurted. "Do you trust the force?" Kylo didn´t say anything so Rey kept going.

"Do you trust that the force has it´s own way? The force that binds everything together. Light with dark. Creation with destruktion. And me to you? Do you trust the force?" Reys eyes looked deep into his and waited for the answer she had come for.

"Yes." he mumbled with some hesitation.

"Then follow it wherever it leads you." She let go of his hand and stepped back. Kylo looked at her for a moment before he closed his eyes and Rey watched as the emotions he went through showed on his face. His eyes shot open and he stared at her with revelation.

"In order to bring balance you must first find it in yourself. All beings has light and dark within them but no one is ever purely one or the other." Reys words echoed in the silence of the space. She had quoted on of the sacred jedi texts and was waiting impatiently for his reaction.

"It leads me to you." he said weakly and for a second he looked both embarassed and worried. As if he was asking permission. She gave it.

"Then follow it" she said. A new light shone in his eyes and the next second he was on her in a tight embrace, kissing her with a feverish passion. Rey pressed her body firmly against him as his hands started to explore her body.

Rey felt them move in space and soon she felt the rough surface of her own bedroomwall against her back. She was grateful for the support it gave so she could focus every fiber in her being on Kylo and his magic touch.

His fingers eased off her clothes while covering her face, neck and chest with senual kisses. Rey helped him drag off his shirt and found delight in touching and kissing his shoulders and back. Kylo changed his grip on her slightly so he could move down her body. His powerful hands traveled over her breast and carassed them both before being followed by his mouth. Rey moaned as he lightly bit her nipple as his hand started teasing her legs open. Rey had her fingers in his black hair, gently pulling it as he left a trail of kisses down her belly.

"You´re so beautiful." he whispered against her skin and Rey felt a chill go through her body as his mouth decended on her clit. Rey whimpered and started to grind herself against his face while digging her nails into his back. She felt her growing closer to a climax and when Kylo entered her with two fingers it didn´t take long before she was convulsing and screaming his name over and over again. Kylo eased her down from her high with soft kisses as she lay panting against his warm skin.

"That was amazing." Rey said when she could speak again.

"You´re amazing" he said and kissed her. "You deserve to be worshipped." He still had his trousers on but Rey could feel his erection through them. He had not been satisfied yet. Rey shifted herself so that she could run her hand down his torso and over his bulge while slowy kissing him. She fumbled a bit before the trousers dropped and freeing his dick into her waiting hand. Kylo became stiff while she rubbed him in a steady pace and soon he started to growl against her ear wich egged her on to speed up. She lowered herself and took him in her mouth, moving slowly at first before moving faster and faster. He tasted divine.

Kylo stopped her and lifted her up, Reys legs wrapped around his waist as he kissed her with all the passion he had. She bit his lip as he entered her all the way. He stopped so she could get used to his presence inside her.

They quickly started to move as one, she meeting every thrust with a roll of her hips. As Kylo quickened his speed he locked her arms above her head while sucking and nipping at her neck. Rey could feel the pressure building up inside her again and moaned in his ear to go deeper. He happily abliged and soon there was all Rey could do was to hold on and ride it out as Kylos vigouros and vonderful assault on her sped up even more.

They reached their climax together, she shouting his name again and again, he with a almost animalistic growl against her neck.

They slumped together on the floor, still connected in a tight embrace. Their chests heaving in unison as they looked into each others eyes.

"That was even better." Rey finally said with a weak smile.

Kylo sat up with Rey stradling him, neither one of them wanted to break apart.

"I´m not sure what happens now." He said, pulling her hair back from her face then kissing her.

"Me neither." Said Rey. "But for the first time in a long while, I have hope." They kissed again.

"For peace and order in the galaxy?" he smirked.

"For you" she said and touched his face. "For us."

"Us." He repeated it slowly like it was the first time he heard that word. "I like it."

They remained so a moment before they had to part.

"Until next time." said Kylo and kissed her.

"I love you." was Reys final words before he disappeared.

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

Rey felt it coming over her, a strong and uncontrolable anger that seemed to engulf her entire body. Then suddenly she wasn´t in her own body anymore, she was taller and dressed in black. In front of her she saw the pale but furious face of general Hux.

His lips was moving but all she could hear was the blood pumping in her ears. She had the urge to run him through with the lightsaber at her side but a distant echo stopped her. Instead she saw a leatherclad hand rise infront of her and she felt the force being shot out toward the man infront of her.

General Hux flew backwards and hit the glasswall behind him with such a force that it cracked. He lay motionless on the floor, still alive but in a lot of pain. Rey felt a smile spreading on her lips as she stepped toward the trembling heap on the floor. The general looked up at her with a mix of fear and loathing on his face. She rasied her hand again and used the force to choke him. A dark and enjoyable glee rising in her chest as the general gasped for breath. Her lips moved and she heard a familiar voice speak.

"Talk to me like that again and I will rip you apart with my bare hands."

Rey was back in her own body with a flash, she was sweating and took a step backwards to find her balance. When her eyes regained their focus she saw the horrifying image of Finn lying on the ground several feet from her. Poe was kneeling next to him with his eyes fixed upon her.

"What the hell was that?!" he yelled as he helped Finn up on his feet. He gently rubbed his throat and Rey felt a cold chill go down her spine.

"I did that?" she asked with a tremor in her voice.

"You don´t remember?" Finn aksed with a groan. His expression of pain and fear hit her in the stomach and she felt nausous.

"No" she whispered. "I'm sorry, Finn. What happened?" she had tears in her eyes now looking desperatley from Poe to Finn.

" You sort of stiffened for a moment before your eyes went black and got this evil smile on your face." said Finn slowly.

"You said something too." said Poe tensly. "Something about ripping him apart" Poes eyes was vivid with sucspicion and resentment.

Rey stepped back and tried to gather her thoughts. She had not only felt Kylos anger, she had been there and here at the same time. She had made the same movements, wielded the force the same way and even said the same thing as he had.

"I'm sorry." she blurted out again before leaving the room in a run. She heard Poe speaking to Finn behind her.

"Let her be. She should be left alone."

Rey was sitting on the floor in one of the many smuggleholes of the falcon. She had barred the hatch so no one could open it. She shivered, unsure about what just happened and what it meant. She closed her eyes and searched for Kylo, finding him fast and gently prodding at his concious to let her in.

It had been over a week since their last encounter. She had felt him nudging at her several times since then but she had never been able to respond as she was hardly ever alone. The few times she had tried to contact him, he hadn't responded either. Probably for the same reason.

Now, they made contact and in the same moment Rey was in his arms. They stood close for a long time and Rey filled all her lungs with his scent.

"What was that?" Rey finally whispered and looked up at him. Kylos face looked more hollowed than usual but his eyes shined as bright as they had at their last meeting.

"I don't know." he said. "I saw flashes of images through your eyes." He paused and looked away. "How's your friend?" he added with a slightly guilty expression.

"Shaken, but unharmed." Rey said and squeezed his hand in hers. "This connection is getting stronger." she said. Kylo seemed to hesitate before speaking.

"Do you want to end it?" he asked slowly. "We don't have to continue doing this. If it's dangerous, I mean, I would understand if you would..." She broke him off with a kiss. She couldn't stand to hear those words from him.

"No." she said firmly. "That's not what I want. Nowhere close to it, actually."

"Good." he said and kissed her again. He held her closer and she wrapped herself around him. As the kiss grew in passion their hands began to travel in search for bare skin.

Rey pulled his shirt over his head and her fingers started to play with his nipples. A satisfying moan escaped his lips before they found their way down her neck. Rey felt his growing bulge and grinded herself against him for some sought after friction. Another rumbling moan came from him and Rey kept going with more vigor.

Kylo slowly undressed her top to expose her breast and took them in his hands. She bagan to moan and move faster with more moans coming from both of them.

The felt it at the same time. Their connection was breaking apart.

"It's me." Kylo said with a husky voice. "I need to get back."

"No." Rey whimpered. "Not yet." she held onto him with a desperat grip before he vanished and she was back in the dark smugglehole again.

I took several days before they could meet again. During that time Rey could feel his precence with her everywhere. It gave her comfort and made her feel safe and calm. She needed that since everyone else at the base avoided her after the incident with Finn. He and Poe was still friendly towards her but seemed to stay at a safety distance.

Rey had spent many hours reading the jedi texts for some explaination in what was happening with her and Kylos connection. Frustratingly little was of any interest or help. All she was able to uncover was some old theories about the force and its users. The short version was that all beings who are force sensitive share a connection with each other. Since the force is not equally strong with all, it should therefore be likely that this connection must be stronger with some than in others.

"Dusty old book." Rey muttred with a yawn as she closed it and put it away. "Nothing I hadn't already figured out."

She streched out on her bed and let her mind wander freely. It soon found its way to the image of Kylo and their shared moments of intimacy. Her body soon responded to the memories and without realising it, her hand had traveled down her body and into her pants, carefully playing with her clit. Then she heard him.

"Thinking of me?" he said. Reys eyes shot open and saw him standing over her, eyed ablazed by desire and longing. Rey felt a intense pulse in her core, it was Kylo using the force to satisfy her. Another pulse and she gasped for air as she was thrown back onto her bed. The pulsating sensation turned more intense and became a delightful throbbing within her.

"I want you to look at me." Kylo said with a deep voice. He had kept the force working on her but now he stopped. "Look at me." he said again. Rey opened her eyes and met his gaze, it opened up a different kind of desire in her. Kylo started working the force on her again and Rey had to fight not to break eye contact with Kylo. He was frustratingly slow about it now as he teased her up to the edge.

"Say my name." he said darkly.

"Kylo." she whimpered as the pressure grew inside of her. "Please."

"Say my name." he said again. Another powerful throb went through Rey and she almost lost control. "I'm waiting." he continued.

"Ben." she moaned loudly and finally he let her have the realese she craved. She shouted his real name again and another throb from his mind intensified her orgasm so much that it almost knocked her out.

She was left panting and unable to move an inch, every muscle in her body was spent in the delightful desire Kylo had given her.

Kylo draped a blanket over her body with a flick of his wrist and vanished as she fell into a deep sleep, still with his name on her lips.


	3. Chapter 3

Rey was sitting alone on a fallen tree with her eyes fixed on the horizon before her. The ocean seemed to sparkle like diamonds in the setting sun and she took a refreshing breath. She had become addicted to this view. Her old home on Jakku was an endless desert and she had never seen either a forest or a ocean before she met Finn and had been dragged into the war against the first order.

She was grateful for the peace at this island that had become the new base for the resistance. She had been told that after the battle on Crait and the death of Snoke, the resistance had grown steadily in allies.

"More join every day." the people said happily.

"We lit the spark." repeated Poe several times a day. He had grown into the part of a leader and had the lojalty of the resistance forces behind him.

Rey liked him too, he was daring and had started to consider all the potential consequences in a situation before he made a decision. He had become a smarter general.

Finn had also changed since Crait, he seemed to have aged a decade since then and if it hadn't been for Rose, Rey feared that all of this would have destroyed him.

Rey was a bit torn when it came to Rose. Even though the former mechanic was clever and brave, Rey felt that there was something off with her. She didn't quite understand this feeling but eventually she had wrote it off as a fleeting fit of jealosy for her close friend. Because that was true enough, since Finn had met Rose he hadn't spend much time with Rey. She didn't blame him, after everything he and Rose had been through and the incident when Rey had struck and choked him with the force a month earlier. She had scared him, she had scared everyone and mostly herself. But to her great relief nothing like that had happened again.

Rey still felt Kylos presence with her, it was like a soft and warm shadow that lingered by her side and giving her comfort whenever she needed it.

They had been able to connect several times since the night of the force-sex, but it had only been short moments before they were interrupted. Rey had starting sharing what she been reading in the jedi texts and even if Kylo disregarded a lot of it, he did seem interested enough to let her keep talking about it. He could make her forget it all with a single look from those dark and smoldering eyes. She ached for him again and tried to connect to him, but just like every other time during the past day, it failed.

She let herself stay within the force and followed it wherever it took her. She saw the wildlife of the island as well as the doings on the base. She saw Poe standing with the other generals in a room, discussing something with waving arms. She saw a glimpse of two others having sex in a closet and even Finn and Rose as they were sitting in the canteen eating supper.

She left the base and traveled to the other side of the island and out towards the sea. There she saw great black clouds of thunder and lightning. Great waves rising up like mountains before rolling away again. The destructional poetry of the force. Rey plunged down into the stormy water and traveled far beneath the waves. Down here she could feel the cold, she could hear the silence and even though the sunlight never reached this far down, she could see the ocean floor.

Rey followed it for miles and gradually she was astonished to she shapes and patterns that didn't look fully natural. She kept going and soon she was looking down at buildings and transports of a ancient city. A crumbled plaza and the shapes of a pier next to a dozen or so heaps of ships. Rey left the city and soon came above the water to see another landmass that stretched out in front of her. On this lands mountainridge was a new city. It was glistening in grey and blue in the morninglight and there were slight movements within its walls.

The sensation came over her like a splash of cold water. New replacing the old, and lifes determend continuation despite chaos and destruktion. With a start she was back on the fallen tree, with the sun slowly sinking in the distance. Her body trembled slightly of a mix of adrenaline and exhaustion and it took a while before she could regain her balance and go back to the base.

Since Rey was so deep into her own thoughts about what she had seen and what they might mean, she didn't realise something was wrong until she saw a elderly man comforting a middle-aged woman. Rey sped up and entered the commandcentre. She saw Poe standing with his eyes blank of grief and anger over a controlpanel. All around the room Rey saw people in tears or in fits of rage. Finn sat with Rose in a corner of the room, both of them staring into nothing.

"What happened?" Rey said when she came up to them. "What is all this about?"

"The first order." Finn answered through clenched teeth.

"They destroyed every single shipment of material heading for us." Rose said with tears in her eyes. "Four hundred men and women. Everyone's dead."

The news didn't compute in Reys mind. She just gaped at them, unable to say anything.

"Somehow they have been tracking our communications. Nothing is safe for us to use as of this moment." Poes voice broke the spell of shocked crowd.

"Do they know our location?" asked someone. "Should we evacuate?"

"There's nothing that points to that yet." said a woman from a screen of numbers. "We are bouncing our signals off fifteen different places to prevent that they can be directed to us."

"We're not leaving until we have to." said Poe sternly. He started shouting orders around and soon the room was buzzing with movement and chatter.

Rey left the room and stalked slowly down the corridor, unable to grasp the situation. What had he done? Why? She felt tears coming into her eyes as the feeling of betrayal and failure came over her.

Without realising how she gotten there, she was in her bedchamber and sat heavily down in her chair. Her emotions was in such a turmoil that it almost made her choke. As she focused on breathing she felt him nudging her mind. She braced herself before she opened her eyes to look at him.

Kylo was standing in a straight and strong posture. Just like an admiral who had just won a important battle. His face was motionless, not a trace of the faint smile he usually got whenever he saw her.

"Why?" Rey asked with a cracked voice.

"I had to." he said steadily. "Please..." he bagan but Rey stopped his words with a sudden punch to his chin.

"Had to?" she hissed enraged. "How could you? How dare you?" she raised her fist again but this time he grabbed her wrist. She shouted from the sudden pain and tried to get free from his grip.

"Will you listen?" he asked in the same steady tone.

"No!" Rey shouted and tried to hit him with her other hand but he easily stopped her with another tight grip. "There's nothing you can say that would make me understand."

"You know what I am trying to achieve." he said loudly. "I told you. I asked you to join me."

"You asked me to stand by while my friends died." she yelled. "But I thought..." she whimpered.

"You thought I changed my mind?" he said coldly. With a unbelivable force he twisted her arms so they ended up behind her back and Rey found herself in a painful embrace against him. "You thought I was going towards the light."

"You were." Rey whispered. "You were coming to me."

"I am with you." he said a bit softer. "As much as I am able." he bent down and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. Rey leaned into him for a moment, craving the contact he provided only to get thrown back into rage.

"How can you kiss me?" she spat at him and tried again to get out of his grip.

"We want the same thing." he said sternly. "You're the one who keeps talking about embracing both sides. Who want to find a balance within us and the force.

"Yes!" she said. "I want balance, not destruktion."

"They go hand in hand." he growled against her mouth. "Nothing can grow if it doesn't get the space to evovle."

He changed his grip to get both her wrist in one of his hands and used the other one to push her closer to him. Rey looked startled up into his face. He was looking down on her with a expression of anger and pain.

"All those people." she said. "Dead."

"Dead." he repeated.

"Why?" she asked.

"It all has to end." he said with a murmur. "Don't you see? It's the only way to restore the balance. To start again with a clean slate."

"With the first order?!" Rey exclaimed. "How does that create a clean slate?"

"It's a mean to an end." he said steadily. "I need them. For now. Then..."

"Then nothing" Rey interrupted. "The power would have engulfed you and the galaxy would be without hope. You will be lost, unable to stop any of it." she had tears in her eyes again.

"That's why I want you with me. Together we're stronger."

"I know." she said weakly and Kylo released her at those words. "I want to be with you. But I can't. Not like that." she sniffled into his chest.

They stood holding each other for a moment, he planting soft kisses in her hair as she cried silently against him.

"How does this end for us?" she whispered with a look up at him.

"I don't know." he said with a painful expression.

"How would you like it to end?" she asked.

"Like this." he said gently and cupped her chin to kiss her. The kiss was full of longing and desire and tasted of tears.

"Don't leave me." she begged as her arms wrapped around his neck and he held her closer.

"I wont." he said and took a hesitant breath. "And you, dont give up on me."

"Never."


	4. Chapter 4

Rey was standing in a green garden, flooded by sunlight and with a warm breeze gently brushing her hair and skin. In front of her stretched a garden path between a long row of blossoming trees, she could hear the buzzing of insects and the calming music of birdsong. The air was heavy with the scent of flowers and grass.

Rey was walking down the path, she was barefoot and the smooth stones underneath her feet was warm from being exposed by the sun for hours. As she traveled furter into the garden she heard the soft noise of a stream and a delightful laugter ahead of her.

As she turned a corner she saw a pond streching out infront of her, at a reeling stood a darkhaired man with hs back to her. As Rey got closer the laughing man turned to her with an outstreched arm.

"Finally, you're here." Ben said with a big smile. "Come and see." Rey took his hand and stepped up next to him. Bens arm went comfortly around her waist and she leaned against him.

In the pond before them, there were two children playing, they were laughing as they ran in the shallow water and splashed happily at each other.

"Look at this." Ben whispered in her ear just as the younger child kicked water with her feet up against her older brothers face. The boy raised his hands in front of him and Rey saw as the water seemed to hit a invisible wall and fall down without ever touching him. The boy looked amazed and smiled triumphantly at his parents.

"Look! I did it again" the boy laughed and jumped happily up in the air. "Did you see, dad?"

"I saw." said Ben and looked at the boy with a proud smile.

"I'm a jedi" shouted the boy before he got a big splash of water in his face from his sister.

"Dream on!" giggled the girl as she ran away from her brother who gladly ran after her.

"They're amazing." said Rey with a tear in her eye.

"As their mother" Ben said and kissed her temple.

The dream faded away and Rey woke up with a heavy heart. She looked around the cockpit of the falcon and immediately felt lonely by the sight of the empty seat next to her. She had become used to have Chewbacca as a co-pilot but he had not been able to join her on this journey.

Poe had taken all the pilots with him in order to get his new fleet of X-wings to the base. Rey had not gone with them, she had a different mission. She was to act as a decoy at the other side of the galaxy to keep the first order away from Poe and his men. The idea was that the falcon was such a well known ship of the resistance and hated by the order that it would easily bring their attention from anything else.

Finn had been aginst Rey going but she had been thrilled about getting to do something important again. Ever since Crait she had been at the resistance base, doing nothing but going over her connection with Kylo Ren.

It had been two days since their fight and they hadn't talked since. Rey had begun to grow uneasy about seeing him again. Their last encounter had been a realisation of their actual situation, just because they had this strong connection didn't mean that they were on the same side.

"We can't keep doing this." she muttered under her breath.

"Do what?" said Kylo from a distance. Rey looked around and saw him watching her with his dark eyes. She hadn't even felt his presence.

"We can't keep doing what?" he asked slowly and stepped closer. Dressed in the usual black clothes and with a determined expression on his pale face. Rey sighed deeply before she answered.

"Ignoring what's in front of us." she said. "We're in a war against each other. To pretend that we can be... whatever we are, despite of that is ludacris." Kylos face darkned slightly but he didn't speak, he just came closer to her. With every step he took, Rey felt her heart beat a bit faster.

"We can't keep fooling ourselves." she said. "We are enemies." her last word came out like a whisper as Kylo stopped in front of her and leaning down to kiss her. His soft lips on hers made her weak in her knees, his entire persona made her feel like she was made of jelly.

"I'm not your enemy." he said and wrapped an arm around her. Rey got a flash from her dream and sighed heavily against his chin. She wanted that existence so much at this moment it physically hurt her.

"Please." she said softly. "Join me. Come back to the light." She kissed him with all the longing and love in her heart and he loosened up slightly by her touch. But he soon broke the kiss and looked away from her.

"I can't" he said. "It's too late." Rey grabbed his face in her hands and looked in his eyes.

"No, it isn't." she said sternly. "I know it's not."

"You are letting you emotions cloud your judgement." said Kylo and looked away from her again. A angry look coming over his face as he gazed around the room. He stepped away from her and ran a hand over the instrumental panel of the falcon.

"I promised myself that if I ever saw this heap of metal again, I would destroy it." he said under his breath. "Yet here I am, standing in it again."

"Do you ever think of him?" Rey asked quietly. He looked at her like he just realised she was there.

"Of Han Solo?" he asked with a scoff.

"Of your father." Rey corrected him. Kylo said nothing, he only turned around to look out towards the stars beyond the ship. Rey stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his chest with her head resting on his shoulder.

"Yes." he said slowly. "I do."

"Good." Rey whispered into his ear. "That's the light." She felt him stiffen in her arms before he brushed her off.

"Would you stop trying to save me?" he said with a irritated breath. Rey folded her arms around him again and held him tighter this time.

"No, I wont." she said. "I will not rest until you come back to the light side."

"Why?" he suddenly exclaimed as he left her grasp. He stood looking at her with a honestly confused expression.

"You really don't know?" she said with just as much confusion.

"Why?" he repeated loudly. "Why do you keep this naïve belief that I will turn?"

"Because I love you!" Rey shouted at him. "For the first time in my life I feel like I have a home. It's not a place, but a soul. Yours! And I refuse to let that be taken away from me!"

They were in each others arms after moment of tense silence, lips crashing against lips and hands stripping them of their garments.

"We belong together!" Kylo said against her skin as he entered her making her moan loudly in his ear. As they found their rhythm Rey started clawing at his back as to mark him as hers, he did a similar thing with his teeth against her collarbone. Rey loved the mixed sensation of pain and pleasure.

"Say it again." Kylo panted against her ear as he picked up the pace.

"I love you" she moaned as he plunged deeper and deeper into her melting core. They reached their climax together and then lay in each other arms.

"I love you too." Kylo mumbled, gently kissing her forehead.

They dozed for a while before they got up and dressed. They sat together in silence, Rey in his lap with their fingers entwined.

"This could be our life." said Kylo slowly while breathing in her hair. "Just the two of us and the galaxy outstretched before us."

"I like that image." mused Rey with her eyes closed. "Especially the 'us' part."

"You and me." Kylo whispered as he left butterfly kisses in her scalp. "Together." he added as he started to nibble down her neck. Rey pushed herself closer to him to grant him better access.

"I'll be yours and you'll be mine." she smiled and shifted her postion slightly so she straddled him in the chair.

"Rulers of the galaxy."

His words made her freeze. He felt her mood change and looked up at her.

"No." she said shortly and got up from his lap. "No, that's not right."

"That's how you get order." said Kylo slowly, like he was explaining something to a child.

"No." said Rey again. "That's how you become a monster." Kylos eyes darkened.

"I am one, remember?" he said coldly.

"No. You're not." said Rey firmly. "That's what I've been trying to show you."

"Don't be so foolish, Rey." Kylo said and stood up, towering over her. "You can't love the galaxy to order."

"And you can't threaten it to peace." she retorted with anger. She didn't believe that they were fighting again so soon. Clearly, things needed to get resolved.

"You haven't seen the galaxy as much as I have." Kylo said bitterly. "If you had, you would know that its filled with greed, pain and destruktion. Suspicion and hatred is everywhere, even without the first order. You can't beat that with compassion." he spat the last words like they tasted of blood.

"Nor with more hate." Rey exclaimed and glared up at him. "I know that there is a lot of terrible beings and places out there. But I also know that its full of love, empathy and friendship. That's what we need to protect." She had put her hand on his chest at these words and Kylo trembled under her fingers.

"Please" she added. "Choose my way."

"I can't" he said and turned away from her. "I've been a monster for to long. I know no other way."

"You can reform." said Rey. "Just like Vader did." Kylo shot a fearful eye at her at the name of his grandfather.

"Don't you mention him to me." he snarled. "You know nothing of him."

"He found balance." Rey said loudly. "He came back to the light after years of vile acts for the sith. He became Anakin again. By the force of love, as can you."

"Shut up!" Kylo yelled and raised his hand. Rey flew across the cockpit and crashed into the wall. She hanged there for a moment, unable to breathe with her hands at her throat. Kylos eyes were black of anger as he used the force to drain her of life.

"Ben" she gasped with terror in her eyes. "Please, stop."

He let her go and Rey fell onto the floor with a loud thud. As she gasped for breath she gazed up at him, his eyes still aglow with rage.

"I will rule." he growled menacingly. "I will destroy the pitiful resistance. Get in my way, and I will destroy you too."

"Ben, no." Rey whimpered, but he was already gone.


	5. Chapter 5

The Falcon traveled on through the infinity of space towards a unknown destination. Rey sat curled up in her seat with her forehead against her knees. She felt empty and lost, she shivered as a addict experiencing a withdrawal from their drug.

Rey had lost the track of time and didn't know how long she had sat there, or where she was headed. She also didn't care. The only image before her eyes was the vision of Kylo Ren, eyes burning with hatred as he said that he would destroy her. Rey felt as he already had. She rubbed her throat as the memory of him choking her engulfed her again. She had been unable to do anything to stop him, she couldn't hurt him. She was defenceless against him.

Kylo had chosen the darkness, he was filled with the lust for power and determined to get it at whatever cost. He had closed his mind from hers and the constant feeling of him by her side had vanished. It was over.

A loud beeping made Rey come back to reality. A message from the base, Poe and the others had returned safely and now she too could come back. She felt relief as she answered the message and turned the falcon around. She may had lost Kylo, but there was a still a war to fight. She wouldn't give up everything the resistance had fought for, and now when Kylo was focused on destroying them, Rey had to be there to help.

She knew she had to tell the others about her and Kylo, that wasn't a conversation she wanted to have. She could just imagine the responses she would get.

"You were sleeping with the enemy?" and "What were you thinking?" followed by "How can we trust you after this?"

How could they trust her? The resistance needed her because she was the only one who stood a chance of defeating Kylo Ren and now she wasn't sure she could hurt him. She didn't want to, she wanted him to turn back into Ben Solo. She wanted him to choose her over the first order, to have him value her more than ruling the galaxy. She had felt a change in him and had been so certain that he would do so. But she had been wrong.

"It's hard to help someone who doesn't want to be helped." It was Luke Skywalkers voice to gently came to her from afar. Rey jumped up and looked around the cockpit. Nothing there.

"Master Luke?" she whispered unsure of her sanity.

"I'm here." he said calmly. He appeared in front of her, like a glowing shaddow. He looked younger than when she had last seen him. His hair was short and the dark beard was trimmed.

"How?" Rey said and stretched out an hand to touch him. "How is this possible?"

"Does it matter?" he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"I guess not." admitted Rey and her hand fell back down along her side. "Why are you here?"

"It seems you're in some kind of distress." he said and observed her with a friendly smile. She looked back at him unsure about if she should tell him anything.

"I can't kill him!" Rey exclaimed suddenly. "I can't. I love him." her voiced cracked and she was in tears. Luke stood silent and watched her, the smile had gone from his face and in its place a hard line.

"I was once in your place." he said softly. "I was asked to confront someone I didn't want to kill."

"Vader." Rey said with a nod.

"He came back to the light." Luke went on. "My love for him was the turning point."

"He still died." said Rey surly. Luke smiled lightly.

"Love can do many great things, Rey. But it can't keep people from dying."

"It doesn't matter." she said sternly and dried her eyes. "He didn't choose me. My love isn't enough." She sighed with a painful look at Luke.

"You don't know what the force has in stall for you." said Luke. "You need to keep going and follow it even though it hurts you."

"It's too hard." said Rey. "I don't think I'm strong enough."

"Yes, it's hard." said Luke. "It may be the hardest thing you'll ever have to do, but it will also be what saves him. And you." With those words he was gone.

Rey sat down in the chair again and looked out at the stars. She connected herself to the force and let it flow through her. As she was traveling through the nothingness she saw stars die and be born, planets flourish and others never have a single form of life on their surface.

She saw ships of different make and sizes pass her view. Some were hauling goods and others passangers, some were smugglers of refugees and others pleasureble cruiseships full of beings who wasn't affected by the war.

Rey saw a big ship of war ahead of her. She felt a tug in her belly as she recognized the marking of the first order on the hull. She went through the wall and saw stormtroopers marching in the halls, she could see the people working on the bridge under the supervison of general Hux. Rey felt disgust come over her as she followed his movements before the force led her on. She could she soilders sleeping, and eating, some even were playing a cardgame on their time of leisure. Rey thought of Finn, how he had been taken from his family and then programmed to fight for them. Everyone here had been treated the same way.

Rey went through a wall and saw a big and luxurious room, with a bed in the centre of it. On top of the bed lay Kylo Ren. He wore only black trousers and seemed to be sleeping. Rey floated closer to the bed and hovered over him. She could hear his ragged breathing and saw with a painful hit in her heart how a single tear ran down his cheek. Rey reached out to him and she could feel his heat radiating of his skin. His eyes shot open and for a second Rey was sure that he could see her, but Kylo rolled over and sat up on edge of the bed with a groan. He sighed heavily before he hit his head with a surpising force.

"Get out." he said with a low growl. "Please, stop haunting me." Rey was positioned next to him and watced him amazed as he wiped away another tear. He turned his head up and let out a painful gasp before closing his eyes and fell back onto the bed.

"Rey." he whispered slowly. "I'm sorry."

Rey returned to the Falcon with her heart pounding in her chest. She was trembling all over but her mind was steady as if had been in stone. She could still reach him. She still had a chance of saving him from himself, she didn't know how but she knew she wouldn't give up on him. On them.

As she found her balance to get up she lost it again and she crashed into the panel at her side. A horrible noise rang in her ears and smoke and fire burst out around her.

The Falcon had been hit.


	6. Chapter 6

Reys mind was in blackness. Her body was in agony, she was unable to move a muscle and she felt how her life was leaving her. Her initial emotion of fear and regret was giving place to a calm acceptance of her fate.

People always talk about how quick things can change and how important it is to live your life to the fullest since you'll never know when it will be over. Rey had always thought that she was one of those who did that, but now, in her final moments she realised that nothing of it mattered. Her life had unfolded before her but even after all the pain she had experienced there was nothing she would have changed.

Her thoughts lingered on Kylo Ren. She could see him standing in front of her, dressed in black and with his usual serious expression across his face. Rey felt a heavy weight in her heart at the thought of the fact that she would never see him again. She would never get to try to make things right between them.

Curiously enough she didn't feel worried about anything, the war, the resistance or the first order, all of it was out of her hands.

The shape of Kylo started to fade, the pain dissapeared and then everything was gone.

Then it all came back. The vision of Kylo, the pain and the smell of fire. Reality crashed down over her like a boulder and she screamed out in agony. She still couldn't move her body but managed to open her eyes to see a bright red sky filling with black smoke. She shoock as another wave of pain went through her and she gasped for air, every breath burning like acid in her lungs.

She realised she was lying on the ground outside, next to the Falcon. The last clear memory she had was being hunched on the floor of the Falcon cockpit, how did she end up outside of it?

She turned her head and saw something that truly terrified her. Kylo was hunched over her with his hands on her stomach. His face was unrecognisable, contorted by spasms and pain and his eyes were completely white.

Another realisation hit Rey, that with every passing second her strength grew. She could move her limbs again, they were sore but functional.

Kylo fell to the side and lay panting with his eyes shut next to her, his skin was almost transparent so every bloodvein was visible.

Rey sat up with a groan and reached out towards him. Her fingers brushed his and a jet of heat spread through her and eased her pain. Kylo opened his eyes and met hers and Rey saw the same agony she just experienced in his gaze.

"What happened?" Reys voice cracked and the effort of speaking made her head feel like it had been split in two.

"You crashed." rasped Kylo with a low voice. "I saw it happen." Rey moved slowly towards him and they sat together in silence for a moment.

"How?" asked Rey with a hand on her belly.

"You were going to die." he said weakly and with a distressed look. "I pulled you back."

"How?" Rey whispered again.

"I'm not sure." he said with a slow shake of his head. He moved to stand up and Rey tried to follow but couldn't remain her balance and almost fell over. She had grabbed his arm to keep herself from falling and was sitting in a awkvard position looking up at him.

"Please, dont leave." she said with a single tear running down her face.

"I have to." his face was set in stone and Rey couldn't read his expression. She felt desperate as she gently tugged at his arm.

"Help me." she begged him and for a second, before he dissapeared, a crack in his stoic facade occurred and Rey could see a flash of pain in his dark eyes.

Rey was left alone and freezing. The planet she crashed on was in most ways, a dead one. It was covered in ice and snow and Rey hadn't seen any living form of life anywhere. Not that she had strayed very far from the wreckage of the Falcon. As soon as she had regained enough strength to stand up she had sought refuge inside the smouldering ship to keep warm.

She was exhausted and all she wanted to do was sleep, but she fought the feeling off, afraid that she wouldn't be able to wake up again.

She felt weak and feverish as she hurdled up, wrapped in a torned blanket. Her entire body ached and she wasn't sure if she was dreaming this entire nightmare or not. It all felt to unreal to be true. To keep herself awake she focused on what Kylo just had done for her.

"I pulled you back." his words echoed in her ears. How was he able to do anything like that? The only one who had been able to keep people alive was darth Sidious and he had been dead for decades. Rey thought about Snoke, had he known the secret to keep death at bay? If he had, was it possible that Kylo now knew that too? But Kylo seemed genuine about not knowing how he'd done it. She didn't think he would lie to her about it. He'd never lied to her before. They didn't lie to each other. They lied to everyone else but never to each other.

Rey felt her body giving in to sleep and she relaxed, welcoming it to take her down into the warm darkness. Her last thought was of him before she fell asleep.

Rey was dreaming. She was running from something she couldn't see, some unknown danger that hunted for her. Her feet was heavy and she was slowing down wich made her heart pound faster as the danger behind her were getting closer. It felt as she had been running for hours and the only thought she was able to keep in her head was not to stop running.

She felt herself stumbling and fear gripped her entire being as she fell to the ground, bracing for impact from the thing that was after her.

"Get up." said a distant voice. Rey heard low growling behind her and she screamed as she knew that she would die in agony.

"Wake up Rey!"

Her eyes shot open and she was blinded by a bright light, she was hooked up with tubes to machines and next to her sat a hollowed eyed Finn. He smiled a relieved smile at her and squeezed her hand.

"Welcome back" he said with a friendly voice. Rey looked around the room and saw smiling faces all around her, she was back on the resistance base among her friends.

"What happened?" she asked and sat up in the bed.

"You crashed, Rey." said Finn. "It's a miracle that you're still alive." Rey thought of Kylo healing her. Miracle may be the wrong word.

"How did you find me?" she asked. There were no way that the communication beam in the Falcon had survived the crash.

"We intercepted a message from someone in the first order, it stated that the Falcon had been shot down." said Rose from the foot of Reys bed. "It even mentioned coordinates."

"When we got there we found you unconcious, suffering from hypothermia and severly dehydrated" said Poe shortly. "But still alive." he smiled at her from the door.

"Thank you." said Rey weakly. She was unable to find any other words to express her gratitude and love for each of them. It really moved her that they cared for her as much as they did, she'd never had this kind of friends before. On Jakku, it had always been everyone for themselves and Rey had been hurt as many times as she'd hurt others. But Rey had always felt bad about it, like she was a dissapointment to herself for not doing what she was supposed to do. That feeling had always been with her, that she was meant for something else. Something bigger. Now, she guessed she had found what that something was. She was a part of the resistance against the first order and she would not give up until they had been destroyed. She also knew that there were no way she could hurt Kylo Ren, she needed to help him. The terrifying thing is that she didn't know how to do both.

The medical droid beeped at her side making Rey return to the moment, she had spaced out and now she realised there was a discussion going on.

"No, we need to act as soon as possible." said Finn with a clear voice.

"We don't know what's going on yet." Said Poe slowly, "Any rushed move from us could have disasterous consequences."

"We've had enough of them." agreed Rose with a mumble.

"Like waiting for them to find us doesn't have consequences?" asked Finn loudly.

"Maybe, we should discuss this somewhere else." said Poe with a stern expression. "Rey needs to rest." Rey watched as they left the room one by one. Finn was the last one to go.

"Wait" said Rey after him as he was standing by the door.

"Yes?" he said with a scared look at her. "Is there a problem?" There were so much Rey wanted to tell him, her realationship with Kylo, the vision of Luke and mostly how she survived the crash. But fear gripped her as she saw his face and she knew he wouldn't understand.

"What about the Falcon?" she said at last. Finn raised a eyebrow at her, then his face fell.

"It's destroyed." he said shortly. "No chance of repair." He looked at her with a intense gaze that made her feel uneasy. He knew she was hiding something from him and he was hurt that she didn't trust him enough to tell him.

"Thank you for coming for me, Finn." she said with a soft smile.

"Of course we did." he said and smiled at her. "We're family."


End file.
